


DKLA

by bapaldeul



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Flashbacks, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, One Shot, previous tag does not apply to nielwink don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 07:14:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12452346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapaldeul/pseuds/bapaldeul
Summary: Jihoon doesn't know where they go wrong.he keeps going back to Daniel, because that's where home is.





	DKLA

**Author's Note:**

> or: another addition to the angsty nielwink collection; feel free to curse at me!
> 
> title taken from troye sivan's DKLA (don't keep love around)
> 
> *note: flashbacks are in italics*
> 
> i hope u enjoy this 10k one-shot before i disappear for a few days, do leave lots of comments and feedback at the end!

Jihoon’s eyes start to lose focus when he stares at the television for too long, and he doesn’t remember the last time he’d watched an interesting show. It’s not the fault of the television, it’s just his mind wondering somewhere else; or rather, someone else.

His eyes trail over the large apartment he shares with his boyfriend. It’s a relatively big apartment for two young boys to share; he’s lucky that they can both afford the rent.

As large as the apartment is, it feels empty.

The commentator on television hasn’t stopped talking, but the void in Jihoon’s mind can’t be filled. The pictures on the television are his only source of light – all the other lights in the apartment haven’t been touched, it’s only because Jihoon doesn’t like reminding himself how lonely he is.

His stomach growls, and he resists the temptation to get up from the sofa and make himself some dinner. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast, which was just a pathetic slice of bread with some peanut butter spread. Jihoon was in no mood to eat lunch, and skipped it.

Jihoon’s ears pick up the sound of footsteps even from down the hallway. He’s grown sensitive now, his mind always waiting for someone to walk to his door. However, the footsteps fade away, leaving Jihoon disappointed again.

The clock on the drawer shows 10pm, and he knows his boyfriend gets off work at 7pm, sometimes 8pm if he doesn’t want to bring his work home to do. 

It’s not strange for his boyfriend to be back so late, it’s been happening for about three months know. Although Jihoon has his doubts, he pushes all the insecurities out of his mind. After all, it’s not fair to assume that his boyfriend is cheating on him just because he comes home late every night.

The unfamiliar smell of cologne lingering on his boyfriend’s dress shirt should be enough to convince Jihoon. Or even the many times his boyfriend says he has to return to the office on the weekend because his boss asks him too.

Still, Jihoon remains determined to place his trust in his lover for three years.

The sound of keys jingling and the door unlocking shocks Jihoon out of his daydream, and he immediately bounces off the couch and bounds to the door, eager to greet his boyfriend. He stumbles along the way; his legs numb from lying on the couch all day long.

The door opens, the lights in the hallway letting some light into their apartment.

“Daniel,” Jihoon breathes his boyfriend’s name like it’s a blast of fresh air that keeps him alive. Daniel looks exactly like how he had left the house this morning; in his usual dress shirt and work pants. The only thing different is that his hair is sticking out in different angles and his tie is loosened.

“Why’s it so dark in here?” Daniel asks as he walks past Jihoon into their apartment, fingers searching for the light switch. He finally manages to turn some lights on, and their apartment doesn’t look as lonely as before.

Jihoon scratches his neck out of embarrassment, and closes the door behind him. He’s a little disappointed at how Daniel doesn’t greet him like he does three years ago, but he soon pushes the thought out of his mind and follows Daniel to their bedroom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Hey baby,” Daniel greets Jihoon, a wide smile plastered on his face when Jihoon opens the door to greet him after a long day at work. Daniel’s long arms reach over to wrap Jihoon in a big hug, and pulls him closer just to make sure he’s real._

_“I missed you,” Daniel says into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. Jihoon shivers from the sensations, and kisses Daniel’s cheeks._

_“It’s only been nine hours since you left for work,” Jihoon laughs, and helps Daniel carry his bags. “But I missed you too. I was so bored without you at home.”_

_Daniel shuts their door, and immediately pushes Jihoon into their bedroom. Jihoon finds himself on the bed, giggling as Daniel tries to climb on top on him. Daniel showers him with an abundance of kisses; some on his nose, forehead, his soft cheeks and finally, his lips._

_“Stop,” Jihoon says and sits up. “You’re dirty, you should take a bath first.”_

_“Since when did you care whether I took a bath or not?” Daniel whines when Jihoon pushes him off the bed. In the end, he relents and starts taking his shirt off. He grabs a towel that Jihoon hands to him and presses another kiss onto Jihoon’s forehead._

_“I’ll be out soon,” Daniel assures Jihoon._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon’s legs swing off back and forth when he takes a seat on their bed. He watches Daniel undress as per usual, and hands Daniel towel, just like he does every night.

“Long day?” Jihoon asks hesitantly, knowing how hard Daniel works in his office. Although he knows it’s part of his job, it’s still heart-breaking to see Daniel coming home, his eyes bloodshot every night.

Daniel responds with a soft grunt, and continues to text away furiously on his phone half naked. 

Jihoon fumbles off the bed and places his hand on Daniel’s bare back.

“Take a shower, you look really tired,” Jihoon suggests.

Daniel quickly turns his phone off, the screen turning to black. He nods, and puts the phone on his desk before disappearing into the bathroom without any words.

“He must be exhausted,” Jihoon thinks. Usually, Daniel is bursting with energy. He’d tell Jihoon everything about his day; his stupid boss, his amazing lunch, or his colleague that takes all the credit for projects they work on together.

Although Daniel is the one talking most of the time, Jihoon doesn’t mind. He loves Daniel’s stories, and the actions he makes with his hands when he tries to re-enact the exact scenario. They diss Daniel’s co-workers together, and Daniel promises him that once he makes enough money, they’ll run off to the countryside together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“I feel guilty,” Jihoon says one day when Daniel returns from work. Daniel wears an immediate frown on his face when he comes home to his boyfriend’s dejected expression, and knows that something is wrong. He sits Jihoon down on the sofa, and holds both of his hands in his._

_“What’s wrong?” Daniel asks, caressing Jihoon’s face. “You can tell me anything, we’ll figure it out together.”_

_Jihoon looks up at Daniel, his eyes glassy and his top lip trembling, “You work so hard, but all I can do for you is wait at home.”_

_Daniel’s muscles relax when Jihoon comes clean with him about what’s bothering him._

_“Hey,” Daniel squeezes Jihoon’s hands. “I told you I wanted to do this. I’m doing this for both of us; our future. Once I earn enough money, we’ll run away together, okay?”_

_Jihoon believes him, because believing in Daniel is the only thing he knows how to do the past three years. There’s nothing that comes more naturally to him than trusting his boyfriend, so he nods fervently._

_“Good, now let me show you how much I love you,” Daniel says when the same radiant smile returns to his boyfriend’s lips._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel absolutely loves anything Jihoon cooks. After all, Jihoon spends the entire day in their apartment, so the least he could do was to greet Daniel with an amazing dinner after work. Although it’s late, he whips out one of Daniel’s favourite – Kimchi stew. It smells amazing, and Jihoon is reminded of how empty his stomach is.

He resists the temptation to dive into the food immediately, but stops himself because he wants to eat with Daniel.

After what seems like an eternity, Daniel walks out of the bathroom, his hair still wet and a towel around his neck. He’s already changed into his pyjamas, his usual black shirt and shorts.

“Hey, I made you some dinner,” Jihoon says when Daniel passes by on the way to the laundry area, “Let’s eat together.”

Usually, Daniel would bound over to their dining table like a happy puppy, eager to taste whatever delicacies Jihoon had cooked for him. Now, he drags his feet across the floor and plops down opposite to Jihoon. 

Jihoon scoops a bowl of stew for Daniel and hands it to him. Their fingers meet for a split second, but to Jihoon it feels like electricity travelling through his entire body.

Daniel cracks his first smile of the night, although it looks forced to Jihoon. Nevertheless, Jihoon loves seeing Daniel smile because of him.

“Thanks,” Daniel says before diving into his food. Tired or not, Daniel has a monstrous appetite. At least that’s one thing Jihoon knows will never change about Daniel. They eat in silence, Daniel finishing up the entire pot of stew while Jihoon survives on just one bowl.

Jihoon brushes it off and says he had a heavy lunch, when in reality all he wants is for Daniel to eat well. 

“I’ll do the dishes,” Daniel offers when they finish. Jihoon shakes his head and takes Daniel’s bowls and cutlery for him. “I’ll do it,” Jihoon insists.

Daniel chews on his lower lip, as if hesitating, but he relents and lets Jihoon get his way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Jihoon returns to their shared bedroom, Daniel is already in bed, under the blanket and texting on his phone again. He doesn’t even notice when Jihoon walks in until he slides in next to Daniel under the covers. 

He puts his phone away and says, “I’m going to brush my teeth.”

The bathroom door shuts again, and Daniel’s phone dings, indicating that he has a new message. Jihoon recalls the exact notification tone, because he was the one who had helped Daniel choose it.

“It’s cute,” Jihoon remembers telling Daniel.

Yet another thing that hasn’t changed about Daniel.

Jihoon reaches over to Daniel’s side of the bed to straighten out their bedsheets, and his eyes accidentally catch a glimpse of the notification on Daniel’s phone. 

It’s not nice, he knows but he can’t tear his eyes from the message calling out to him on his boyfriend’s lock screen.

 _From: Ongie_  
_I know, I had fun tonight too~ see you tomorrow babe ♥_

Jihoon swallows the lump that has formed in his throat. He finally tears his gaze away and pretends like he hasn’t seen anything. He blinks the tears in his eyes away, and buries himself under the covers.

He feels the bed sink, and knows Daniel is next to him. Daniel doesn’t ask him anything, or tell him goodnight when he turns off the lights. 

“Daniel?” he calls out into the darkness.

“Hm?” Daniel’s sleepy voice replies, and Jihoon instantly feels guilty for keeping Daniel awake.

“Nothing,” Jihoon quickly says. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Jihoon shivers when he feels Daniel’s hands slide under his waist and pull him close. 

“Of course,” Daniel mumbles into his shoulder. Jihoon wants to turn and face Daniel, but he doesn’t have the courage to do so; he’s afraid that his eyes will give everything away. Right now, with Daniel’s arms straddled across his tiny frame, he decides that everything will be okay. 

Even if it doesn’t seem okay, it will be. They always have been.

“Goodnight, I love you,” Jihoon whispers. Only the darkness responds to him. It takes his entire will to convince himself that Daniel is asleep and he should be too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“It feels unreal,” Daniel says on the first night they spend together in their new apartment. Jihoon nods, he knows exactly what Daniel means._

_It feels like a dream that they finally have their own space, their own shared bed, after dreaming about it for so long. They had always talked about how they would decorate their house – Daniel preferred a more modern and sleek feel, while Jihoon always liked a vintage and homelier theme._

_That’s how their dream home came together. Although it didn’t go as smoothly sometimes, they would always find a way to make it work. They always have._

_“I mean,” Daniel starts elaborating, “I can’t believe you’re the first thing I get to see in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to sleep.”_

_Jihoon smiles at the exact thought. Even brushing their teeth together felt exciting when it was with Daniel. He had always fantasized about how it would be like to live with someone he loved._

_And he was living his fantasy._

_“Goodnight, I love you,” Jihoon kisses Daniel as they cuddle in closer to each other. Daniel lets Jihoon rest on his arm, although they both know it’s going to be numb the next morning._

_“I love you more,” Daniel replies._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon paces around in his apartment impatiently. It’s midnight, and there’s no sign of Daniel. He hasn’t received any calls either, and worry starts to creep in that something bad must have happened to Daniel.

Maybe a car crash, Jihoon thinks, then stops himself. Daniel has always been a safe driver, he liked abiding by the rules and never drove when he drank.

“People make mistakes and accidents happen,” Jihoon whispers to himself, and the fear strikes him that something terrible could have happened to his boyfriend and he would never know.

Jihoon is on the verge of breaking down when the familiar jingle of keys greets his ears and he rushes to open the door for Daniel.

He almost cries out of joy when he sees Daniel standing before him, unharmed and as healthy as he can look. He leaps into Daniel’s embrace, “I’m so glad you’re fine,” he manages to choke out in between his sobs.

Daniel tenses up, then pats Jihoon’s back as he would to a sobbing baby.

“Why’d you wait up for me?” Daniel chides as he guides Jihoon into their apartment. Jihoon can’t calm down, and it takes a while for Daniel to make sure he can catch his breath. 

“I thought something terrible had happened,” Jihoon explains, wiping away his tears that had unconsciously flowed out of his eyes.

“You’re such a baby,” Daniel shakes his head. “I’ll go take a shower.”

Jihoon nods, handing Daniel his towel. Before Daniel goes into the shower, he shoves his phone in his pants pocket.

Jihoon wants to ask why he needs to bring his phone into the shower, but is cut off by the shutting of the door. He picks up the jacket Daniel has thrown onto the floor and helps him to hang it up. It’s part of Daniel’s messy nature showing itself again, and they’ve bickered countless times because of this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“How many times do I have to tell you not to throw your clothes onto the floor?” Jihoon laments as he helps Daniel pick up his clothes that are lying around the room._

_“And this!” Jihoon sighs as he fishes out a snack wrapper on Danie’s desk, “you have to throw these away before they attract any insects. You hate insects, right? Then start throwing your stuff away.”_

_Daniel smiles as he follows Jihoon around their room, his cheeks blushing from his boyfriend’s endless nagging. It’s cute, Daniel thinks, how domestic they’re behaving._

_“Don’t smile at me like that,” Jihoon wags a warning finger at Daniel, “It’s not going to work on me.”_

_Daniel sighs and wraps his hands around Jihoon’s waist and sticks to him like glue._

_“Please don’t be mad at me~” Daniel whines as he continues holding on to Jihoon while Jihoon attempts to throw him off._

_“I’m not mad at you,” Jihoon finally says and crosses his arms. “Just… try, okay?”_

_Daniel nods his head happily when he realises his boyfriend isn’t pissed at him. He pecks Jihoon on the lips, laughing when Jihoon can’t resist the temptation to smile back at him._

_“You are forgiven,” Jihoon says, giving Daniel another kiss on his cheek before walking away._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon’s eyes immediately spot the purple bruise on Daniel’s neck when he comes out of the shower. At first, he thinks it’s their lighting playing tricks on his eyes and thinks nothing of it. When Daniel slides in next to him in bed, he fixes his gaze on the very obvious bruise on his boyfriend’s neck.

His fingers instinctively go to touch the bruise, and Daniel flinches.

“W-what’s that?” Jihoon asks, unable to conceal his nervousness.

“What?” Daniel says, his eyes shifting. “Oh, this is nothing, I had a little accident at work.”

Jihoon want to scoff in Daniel’s face. Did he accidentally fall onto someone else’s lips when he was at work? He thinks about interrogating Daniel, and making him confess about what he’s been doing every night with someone else.

“Baby,” Daniel’s voice pierces through Jihoon’s thoughts and he immediately reacts to the familiar term of endearment. 

“Yes?” Jihoon responds, hating how his heart immediately melts when Daniel calls him.

“It’s nothing,” Daniel assures Jihoon, “I love you, okay?”

Jihoon blinks a few times, taking a while to register what Daniel has just said. It’s been a while before Daniel has uttered those words to him. It’s like a shock to his system, and something in him is preventing him from replying, “me too.”

“I said I love you,” Daniel’s voice sounds desperate, and it unlocks something in Jihoon’s heart.

“I- I love you too,” Jihoon mutters before turning around, because he doesn’t think he can stare at the hickey on his boyfriend’s neck any longer. His tears immediately stain his pillow, and still a part of him hopes Daniel will just come clean and beg for his forgiveness.

All Daniel does is sigh and turn off the lights.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon is starting to get anxious when Daniel isn’t back at midnight the next night either. He’s not nervous about Daniel getting into a terrible accident anymore, he’s more worried about who Daniel is with now.

The closed walls of his apartment start to suffocate him, and Jihoon decides to go downstairs to take a short walk. And a breath of fresh air.

He immediately feels better when he steps outside, the cool breeze ruffling his hair. Jihoon stretches, and spots a white car parked at the corner of the parking lot. He takes a closer look, and is overjoyed to recognise the car as Daniel’s. Before Daniel got busy at work, he used to take Jihoon out for drives.

“Why isn’t he coming upstairs?” Jihoon wonders, his feet carrying him towards the car.

Jihoon’s heart drops when he finds out that Daniel isn’t alone in the car. There’s another man sitting next to the driver’s seat. 

He forces himself to look away when he sees the unidentified man lean over and kiss Daniel; his boyfriend. It feels like he’s intruding on something private between the two, even if it’s his boyfriend in the car.

Still, he can’t look away. Almost instantly, both their shirts have been taken off by each other and Jihoon can clearly see the man sucking another hickey onto his boyfriend’s neck, then another one on his collarbone. 

Jihoon’s hands tighten and clench into fists, and he wants to go over to the car and make the man explain to him why the fuck he’s making out with his boyfriend. 

But something tells him that Daniel isn’t going to side with him this time.

He turns around, and leaves the carpark. Jihoon takes the first bus out of his neighbourhood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Got your seatbelt on?” Daniel glances over to check on his boyfriend. He’s just gotten his new car, and is more eager than ever to take Jihoon out on a drive._

_“Check!” Jihoon replies happily, flashing a thumbs-up, and Daniel sets off._

_They enjoy the smooth drive, and sing along to songs on the radio. Daniel makes Jihoon laugh with his out of tune singing, and Jihoon makes sure to film this down so that he can use this to blackmail Daniel later._

_Daniel rests his hand on Jihoon’s thigh, “I’m so happy.”_

_“Me too,” Jihoon says._

_He blushes when he finds Daniel staring at him. “Eyes on the road,” he warns._

_“Sorry,” Daniel replies bashfully, “I just love looking at you.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon finds himself walking into a bar in an unknown city. He isn’t sure which bus he took to come here, he just took the first one that he saw; he was eager to distance himself from his boyfriend and the other man he was making out with as quickly as possible.

He chooses this bar because it sounds the loudest – the music is blaring into his ears, and he’s almost sure he’ll come out deaf. Jihoon walks to the bar, and asks the bartender to hit him with his best shot.

The drink burns his throat, but Jihoon doesn’t care and he orders another.

He wants to forget about Daniel, but he can’t. Jihoon can only imagine what they’re doing right now. 

“The fucking audacity of him to do it right under our apartment,” Jihoon curses aloud, downing his third shot of whatever the bartender has decided to serve him. The bartender does a good job though, because Jihoon starts to feel lightheaded. 

Jihoon staggers towards the dance floor where the crowd is, hoping to somehow drown himself in the mess of bodies. Someone pushes past him, and Jihoon grips onto someone’s arm before he can fall onto the ground. 

“Shit, you okay?” it’s a wonder Jihoon can hear over the booming music. It’s a boy’s voice, and he’s holding onto Jihoon. But it’s dark and Jihoon can’t see the boy’s face properly. Maybe if he wishes hard enough, Daniel is going to be here with him, and not in the car with another man.

Jihoon wastes no time in pushing his lips against the other boy, shutting his eyes tight as the tears flow down his cheeks. The way the boy kisses him is different from how Daniel does. Daniel likes kissing him slowly, like he’s a fragile piece of glass.

His throat is burning, and he’s kissing the boy desperately, as if he was starving.

Jihoon feels hands slide under his shirt, and flinches from the sudden touch. The memories of Daniel invade his mind again and he kisses the boy even harder, hoping to somehow kiss this nightmare away.

But the lips against his aren’t Daniel’s. And the hands under his shirt aren’t Daniel’s.

Jihoon’s eyes flutter open, and he breaks the kiss. He pushes the boy back, and he feels dirty and disgusting.

“I’m, I’m sorry,” Jihoon mutters, breathing hard.

“Hey,” the same voice catches his attention again, “Are you okay? Can you stand?”

Jihoon wants to say yes, but his body betrays him and he has to grab onto the same boy for support again. This time, the boy catches him and holds him close.

“Do you need a ride home?” the boy asks, and Jihoon doesn’t know what he’s thinking when he nods. His head is spinning, his heart still beating fast from the adrenaline. 

He hears the boy call out to his friends to tell them he’s leaving early. The next thing he knows, he’s being pulled out of the club, and the loud music starts to fade.

Although his vision is blurry, Jihoon can finally see the boy clearly now. He’s a little taller than Jihoon, but not too much. He looks around Jihoon’s age, or maybe even younger. At first glance, he looks intimidating, his eyes serious and fixed onto Jihoon’s face.

“Fuck,” Jihoon breathes. “Sorry, I should probably leave.”

He turns to the opposite direction, although he has no idea how to go home.

“Wait,” Jihoon hears the boy call out and grip onto his arm again. 

“I can’t let you go home like this. Tell me where you live, I’ll give you a ride home,” the boy offers. 

Ride, in his car. The car, Daniel’s car. 

“I don’t know,” Jihoon’s voice catches in his throat. “I- I don’t know, I don’t want to go home.”

“Okay, can we just get in my car first? I have water inside for you to sober up,” the boy hasn’t let go of his arm yet, and he allows the boy to show him to his car. 

Jihoon opens the door and sits at the passenger seat. The boy takes out a water bottle from his car boot and hands it to Jihoon when he takes his seat at the driver’s seat.

“Thank you,” Jihoon manages to say. Without even considering how dangerous it is for him to be in a stranger’s car when he’s drunk, he takes three big gulps of water.

The water does help him sober up, and he finally feels like the whole world has stopped spinning for a little while.

“Better?” the boy prompts, and Jihoon nods weakly. His head is still throbbing with pain.

“Yes, thanks,” Jihoon replies.

“What’s your name?” the boy asks him.

“Jihoon. Park Jihoon,” Jihoon answers.

The boy nods, and holds out a hand to Jihoon, “Okay, Jihoon. I’m Jinyoung.”

Jihoon stares at the hand being held out to him and smiles. It’s the alcohol, he thinks. A few moments ago, he was shoving his tongue down this boy’s throat. Still, he’s convinced the boy is a decent person and shakes his hand anyway.

“Where do you live?” Jinyoung continues, turning on the car engine. The air conditioning helps Jihoon to freshen up, and he doesn’t feel so suffocated anymore.

“I…” Jihoon’s voice trails off. He wants to go home after the traumatic experience of being in a bar, but remembers home is probably the last place he wants to be now. “I don’t really want to go home. Can we just go somewhere else?”

Jihoon knows he’s making a ridiculous request to a stranger, and Jinyoung has better things to do than to drive him around town. Surprisingly, Jinyoung nods and replies, “Sure.”

They drive in silence, and Jihoon wonders if this is how Daniel drives the other man around. Or maybe Daniel has his hand on the other man’s thigh as well, since he does it so naturally when they’re together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Baby, you’re so drunk right now,” Daniel chuckles when Jihoon cuddles up next to him on the couch. Between them, they had five cans of beer, to celebrate Daniel’s birthday. Daniel had three, and Jihoon two. The only difference was that Daniel was doing completely fine, while Jihoon’s world is spinning and he feels terrible._

_“I’m not,” Jihoon whines, although he knows he is. He can feel his face heating up._

_Daniel’s strong arms lift Jihoon up easily and Jihoon doesn’t protest when he carries him to their bed._

_“Sure you don’t need water or anything?” Daniel asks, starting to get worried at how red Jihoon’s face was getting._

_“No,” Jihoon shuts his eyes and tries taking off his shirt because it’s getting so hot in their room. “Just want you to lie down beside me.”_

_Daniel still brings Jihoon a cup of water anyway, and lies down next to his boyfriend._

_“I love you,” Jihoon tells Daniel, giggling._

_“You’re so drunk,” Daniel responds, still smiling at Jihoon’s cute antics._

_“Does that change the fact that I love you?” Jihoon blinks innocently._

_Daniel shakes his head and kisses Jihoon’s lips, which taste like beer, but he doesn’t mind._

_“Of course not.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything hurts. His head mostly, but his heart is physically hurting as well. Not heart-attack symptoms kind of hurt, it’s more of an everything sucks and I kind of want to die right now kind of hurt. Jihoon looks out of the car window, and the city lights greet him.

He doesn’t know where he is, and wonders if Daniel even cares. 

“Is… everything okay?” Jinyoung asks over the radio. Jihoon turns to face the driver. 

“No,” Jihoon admits. “Nothing is okay. Everything is fucked up.”

Jinyoung purses his lips together, not expecting such an honest answer.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jinyoung offers.

Jihoon scoffs, not at Jinyoung because Jinyoung is being incredibly nice and patient with Jihoon right now. He’s scoffing more at his own situation, at how pathetic he’s been reduced to.

“You know, nothing much, just the usual,” Jihoon answers before he can question why he’s telling a stranger all of this, “when you walk out of your home and you catch your boyfriend of three years making out with another man in his car.”

Silence fills the car again, the music filling the void.

“I… I’m sorry,” Jinyoung says. “But not for you, for your boyfriend.”

Jihoon turns to face Jinyoung, but his eyes are on the road.

“I feel sorry for your boyfriend,” Jinyoung elaborates, “for being so stupid and missing out on someone like you. But I don’t want to feel sorry for you, because you should go up there and dump his ass right now.”

Jihoon’s jaw hands agape, he was getting ready to get comforted by the usual, “I’m sorry for you,” pep talk, but he’s pleasantly surprised. He even managed to crack a small smile, not forced.

“You look better when you smile, smile more,” Jinyoung says.

“Are you flirting with me right now?” Jihoon challenges.

“You were the one that started making out with me and freaked out halfway,” Jinyoung retorts, and Jihoon’s heart feels heavy again.

“About that,” Jihoon explains, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made use of you like that. I was just feeling so mad about my boyfriend-“

“Ex-boyfriend,” Jinyoung corrects.

Jihoon can’t say it. He wants nothing more than to break it off with Daniel and tell him never to look him up again, but he has a feeling once he gets home he’ll go back crawling into Daniel’s embrace again. He’s that pathetic and needy.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung apologises when Jihoon doesn’t continue. “I should mind my own business.”

“Maybe you should,” Jihoon replies, “but… I just can’t leave him. It’s just, I’m so fucked up. I’m as bad as he is.”

“You stopped yourself,” Jinyoung insists. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. You were being the better one by pushing me away.”

Jihoon ponders over Jinyoung’s statement, “Y-yeah. Thank you, I feel a lot better.”

He does, to a certain extent. Jihoon knows his entire world has fallen apart but for now, in this exact moment, everything seems okay. 

“If you don’t want to go home, my roommate and I have a spare room. He wouldn’t mind letting you stay over for the night,” Jinyoung offers.

Jihoon doesn’t know why there’s a part of him that wants to agree. It’s that easy, walking away from Daniel and their home. He could move out and never talk to Daniel again. 

Still, there’s a part of him hoping this is all but a nightmare. Jihoon wants to wake up and find himself in Daniel’s embrace again.

“I think… I’ll go home,” Jihoon says uncertainly, “I need to face him one way or another.”

Jinyoung nods, respecting Jihoon’s decision. “Punch in your address into the GPS, I’ll send you home.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon starts to feel the knot in his chest tighten when they reach the bottom of his apartment twenty minutes later. Daniel’s car is in the exact same spot, but there’s no one in the car anymore. Jihoon doesn’t get out of the car even when Jinyoung drives him to the drop-off area. His hands hover around the seatbelt.

“You good? Remember, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. My offer still stands,” Jinyoung reminds Jihoon.

Jihoon turns back and flashes the most confident smile he can manage, “I really appreciate it, Jinyoung. Thank you for everything.”

He unlocks his seatbelt and walks out of the car. Jinyoung follows, and both of them stand awkwardly beside the car.

Jihoon is finally in the right state of mind, and he sees Jinyoung clearly now. Although the boy looks skinny at first glance, he’s actually fit and his shoulders are broad. His small face is merely a distraction.

When Jinyoung smiles, the intimidating front disappears. 

“Give me your phone,” Jinyoung says, and Jihoon numbly hands it over.

“Call me if you need anything. I’m sure we can work something out,” Jinyoung says when he hands it back to Jihoon.

Jihoon wants to say no thanks, but he knows he might take up the offer sooner than he thinks. He nods, and turns to go inside.

Jinyoung grabs his hand, giving him warmth from the chilly night.

“Jihoon,” Jinyoung calls out again. Jihoon looks back, and there’s a worried frown on Jinyoung’s face. 

“You really don’t have to go if you don’t want to. Come with me.”

And there’s a part of Jihoon that wants to agree, and let Jinyoung take him back and drag him out of his mess. He feels safe with Jinyoung. 

For now, Jihoon has things to settle.

“I know, but I’m going to be fine,” Jihoon assures. Jinyoung lets his hand go, and Jihoon disappears into his apartment before he can regret his decision.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon is surprised to see the lights in his bedroom turned on when he returns, and he can barely catch his breath when Daniel emerges from the room, his face expression unreadable.

“Where were you? I called you so many times,” Daniel asks, but Jihoon doesn’t think it sounds worried, it sounds demanding. 

Anger shoots through his veins and Jihoon wants to ask Daniel to get out of the house and never look for him again. 

Instead, his heart responds first, “I took a walk. My phone died, sorry.”

“At 3 in the morning?” Daniel presses, knowing Jihoon is lying. “I can take a walk at three in the morning if you think it’s fine to makeout with some other guy at midnight,” Jihoon thinks as he pushes past Daniel and buries himself in the bed.

Jihoon feels Daniel’s hand on his back, and flinches. He doesn’t want Daniel to touch him – especially not after his hands were on someone else.

“Baby,” Daniel’s voice is strained, and Jihoon hates how well the pet name manages to roll of Daniel’s arm. He wonders what Daniel calls the other man; does he use the sane term of endearment? Or does he have another pet name for him?

“What’s wrong?” Daniel doesn’t give up. 

“Nothing,” Jihoon says, not looking at his boyfriend. He’s afraid that once he looks at Daniel, his weak heart will forgive and go back to him.

Still, Jihoon gives in and removes the covers. Daniel is still looking at him, now concerned about Jihoon’s lack of affection. Jihoon pulls Daniel’s collar towards him, and he catches a glimpse of the hickey on his collarbone. It looks like a reminder; that Daniel isn’t his anymore.

Daniel smiles when Jihoon finally touches him and kisses Jihoon gingerly,

Jihoon feels disgusted, that he’s enjoying every second of this. He wants to call Jinyoung and ask him to pick him up now, but the thoughts are pushed out of his mind when Daniel deepens their kiss. Jihoon cups Daniel’s face in his, and decides to ignore the other bruise on Daniel’s neck.

“I love you,” Jihoon confesses in between their kisses. 

Even though Daniel doesn’t say it back, Jihoon forgives him. Because they’re Daniel and Jihoon, and they’re going to be okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“That guy was dancing too close for comfort,” Daniel growls when Jihoon joins him back at their table in the club. One of their mutual friends, Woojin, was having his birthday party at a club near their neighbourhood._

_Jihoon smiles, loving how protective Daniel gets at the smallest things._

_“I told him I have a boyfriend and he left immediately,” Jihoon says to comfort Daniel, who downs another shot._

_“Drink slowly,” Jihoon warns, knowing how carried away Daniel can get when it comes to alcohol._

_Daniel leans over to nuzzle Jihoon’s neck, “Just want you to be mine forever.”_

_Jihoon holds Daniel closer to him, “I’m yours forever.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few days pass, and Jihoon forgets about his encounter with Jinyoung. Although Daniel comes back late every night, Jihoon decides not to ask him about it. After all, ignorance is bliss. Ever since the night Jihoon had come back late, Daniel was trying his best to show him more affection again.

Jihoon wants to believe that the other man is just one of Daniel’s phases, and that he’ll return to Jihoon again soon.

Jihoon decides to pack food for Daniel and him to eat together at his workplace. He smiles to himself when he arranges the rice in a shape of a heart, knowing how much Daniel loves cheesy gestures like this. 

Daniel’s office building is almost empty when Jihoon gets there around 10pm, with the exception of a few workers that still have their faces buried in their work. Jihoon feels his heart prick with guilt when he thinks about how hard Daniel works.

One of Daniel’s colleague points out Daniel’s office room, and Jihoon thanks him. Daniel never told Jihoon that he had his own private room, he figured it was because he didn’t want to burden Jihoon with the news.

Jihoon knocks on Daniel’s door, but there is no answer.

He knocks again, but to no avail.

Jihoon places his hand on the handles and tugs downwards. Surprisingly, the door clicks open.

Daniel is in his office, but he’s not alone.

Another tall and lanky man is inside with Daniel, back on Daniel’s desk, and half-naked. Daniel is bending over him, his shirt still on but unbuttoned.

Jihoon doesn’t know what to feel first, shock, anger, sadness or betrayal. He feels all these feelings at once, if that’s even possible.

“Jihoon-“ Daniel sputters when he spots Jihoon at the door, his jaw agape at the scene he had just interrupted. The other man looks embarrassed as well, but Jihoon can barely give a fuck about how anyone else feels.

The words don’t come easily to Jihoon, so he does the next most logical thing. He leaves, shutting the door behind him. And he walks out of the office building, as if it’s the easiest thing to do. Instead of having a million questions in his mind, Jihoon feels empty.

The dumbest thing Jihoon can do is return to their apartment, but he does anyway. He doesn’t think Daniel will have the face to come home anyway. He buries his face into his pillows, and lets his tears flow.

Daniel proves him wrong when Jihoon hears the door unlocking. 

“Jihoon?” Daniel calls out. Jihoon storms out of the bedroom, not caring how messed up he looks right now.

“What are you doing here?” Jihoon asks coldly. “Go back to that other guy.”

Daniel walks towards Jihoon, and Jihoon retreats. Daniel tries to hold his hand, but he swats it away, as if it were some sort of disgusting insect.

“I was- it was nothing,” Daniel blabbers, hoping to somehow come up with some magic words that can convince Jihoon to forgive him. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”

“And?” Jihoon prompts, “You want me to kiss you and tell you it’s okay? Fuck off, Daniel.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Daniel’s eyes are watery and desperate now. Jihoon’s hands almost try to wipe his tears away, but he stands his ground.

Jihoon pushes Daniel away, “I know what I’m thinking now. I want you to get the fuck out of here.”

“Jihoon,” Daniel pleads, “This is our home.”

The answer comes easy to Jihoon, although it hurts him so much to say it.

“Then I’ll leave.”

Jihoon storms back into their bedroom, blinking back his tears. He takes out a bag from the cupboard and starts stuffing all the clothes he can fit inside. Daniel follows behind, and grabs Jihoon’s arms to stop him from continuing.

“Daniel!” Jihoon yells, and he’s sobbing now. Because he doesn’t want to do this. 

“Please baby, don’t leave me. I can’t live without you,” Daniel begs, and Jihoon knows he feels the same. For the past three years, he’s done nothing but give his heart and trust to Daniel. Trusting Daniel is his second nature, it’s the easiest thing in the world. And now, he has to live without it.

“Fuck you,” Jihoon snaps, “And all the times you told me you loved me.”

“I love you,” Daniel says as he pulls Jihoon closer to his chest. Jihoon’s hands clench into fists and he hits Daniel’s chest repeatedly. Daniel lets him.

“You can hit me as many times as you want, please just forgive me. This once,” Daniel whispers into Jihoon’s ear, sending goose bumps down his skin.

“No,” Jihoon retorts. “I’m not stupid. If you felt sorry you would have stopped after I pointed out the fucking hickey. You should be happy, you can do whatever you want now with that other guy without this stupid boyfriend to stop you.”

“Don’t talk like that!” Daniel shouts, making Jihoon even angrier.

“Don’t shout at me,” Jihoon threatens, “Don’t even talk to me. Please.”

Jihoon uses the last of his strength to push Daniel away and shut himself in the bathroom. His hands are shaking as he searches through his phone for the number he’s been wanting to call. Daniel’s pounding on the door, begging him to come out and listen to him.

Jihoon’s fingers hover over the name “Jinyoung”. He has no choice, Jinyoung is the only person he has now.

Jinyoung picks up after three dials, and Jihoon feels like he can no longer breathe.

“Hello?” Jinyoung’s voice someone helps Jihoon to calm down.

The words are stuck in Jihoon’s throat, and his eyes are pooling with tears again. 

“Jihoon?” Jinyoung sounds worried, and he adds, “Do you need help? Are you okay?”

Jihoon shakes his head even though Jinyoung can’t see him. 

“Y-yes,” Jihoon finally manages to say. “I just… can you come and pick me up? I know it’s really late and all but I don’t think I can stay here and I really need someone to-“

“Jihoon,” Jinyoung’s voice stops Jihoon from blabbering on, “I’m coming. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Don’t hang up, keep talking to me.”

Jihoon shuts his eyes tight, hoping that he’ll be able to drown out the shouts from Daniel’s voice. The knocking on the bathroom door is starting to hurt his head again, and he feels short of breath.

“I’m in my car, I’m leaving,” Jinyoung assures Jihoon through the phone. “Are you somewhere safe?”

“For now,” Jihoon says, looking around the bathroom.

“Okay,” Jinyoung replies, “Keep talking to me. I’m coming as quickly as I can.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“He’s so into you,” Daniel rolls his eyes after glaring at the boy who was sitting five seats away from them at a nearby café. Ever since they had sat down, the boy wouldn’t stop staring at Jihoon._

_“Maybe he’s into you,” Jihoon teases._

_“Not impossible,” Daniel laughs at Jihoon’s joke, “Since I’m that handsome.”_

_Jihoon nods as he takes another bite of the cake Daniel had gotten for him. It’s sweet, just the way Jihoon likes it._

_“This is why I hate bringing you outside for dates, you’re just so handsome and you attract too much unwanted attention,” Daniel sighs, taking a sip of his drink._

_Jihoon’s heart swells at the compliment that flows so naturally from Daniel. He intertwines his hands with Daniel’s, “You’re the one who wanted to date me. Regretting it now?”_

_Daniel shakes his head fervently, “I think I’m the luckiest guy in the world.”_

_“That makes the both of us.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Jihoon? Are you still there?” Jinyoung’s voice invades his mind again, and he remembers where he really is. His legs have started to go numb from crouching on the floor for so long. Daniel has stopped pounding on the door, but Jihoon can still hear him crying and begging him to come out.

“I’m here,” Jihoon replies, thankful for Jinyoung’s voice; the only thing keeping sane right now.

“I’m reaching in three, maybe less,” Jinyoung tells Jihoon. “Do you need me to come up?”

It could get messy, so Jihoon answers, “No, I’ll be fine. See you downstairs in three.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung says and the line goes dead. Jihoon holds onto the sink for support and steadies himself. He takes a deep breath of air before putting his hand on the door handle.

Daniel is leaning on the bathroom door, and quickly stands up when Jihoon comes out.

Daniel looks pathetic, his nose is running and his eyes red from crying. His hair that Jihoon loves running his fingers through is messy.

“Baby,” Daniel pleads, his voice softer now.

Jihoon stops himself from caressing his boyfriend’s face. Daniel looks so broken, and all Jihoon wants to do is to cover him up with blankets and tell him everything is going to be okay.

The only thing that is stopping him is because he knows it’s not. Nothing will ever be okay again.

Jihoon grabs his bags, and walks out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Daniel runs after Jihoon.

“Jinyoung is coming to pick me up,” Jihoon says, adding, “I’m not staying here.”

Daniel’s eyes turn from hurt to serious, “Who’s Jinyoung?”

Jihoon doesn’t let Daniel’s questioning faze him. “And who the fuck is Ongie?”

Daniel looks shocked from Jihoon’s comeback. Usually, Jihoon isn’t one to argue. He’s the one that gives in to Daniel when they argue, and he’s always the first one to apologise. It’s always been that way.

“Seongwoo is…” Daniel has no words for Jihoon, and Jihoon knows he has his answer.

“Please don’t go,” Daniel says in a weak voice, “We can work this out. We always have.”

Daniel isn’t wrong. But this time, he is.

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon’s heart softens when he looks back at their apartment. Their dream home. All the years they spent planning on how to decorate their house, and he was giving all of it up now. 

“Don’t look me up again,” is all Jihoon says before he turns around and leaves. He wants to look back, and deep down he wishes Daniel would run after him and beg for his forgiveness and tell Jihoon to stay.

Instead, Daniel lets him walk away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jinyoung immediately runs to help Jihoon with his bags when Jihoon comes out of the lift. Jinyoung is in casual clothes now, different from the nice dress shirt and jeans he had on when they met at the club previously. Still, he carries the same calm and charismatic aura with him.

“You okay?” Jinyoung bends down to check on Jihoon.

Jihoon shakes his head, not wanting to bottle his feelings up. All he wants to do now is scream at the entire world, he wants to be angry when all he really feels is empty.

Jinyoung opens the door for him, and Jihoon slides into the passenger seat for the second time.

“We’re going to my house, is that okay?” Jinyoung asks when he starts the car engine.

Jihoon nods numbly, and they set off in silence. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jinyoung has a nice house, Jihoon notices. It’s a two-level house, and Jinyoung’s roommate bounds out of the house when he sees Jinyoung’s car pull up into the driveway.

“Is he okay?” Jihoon hears Jinyoung’s roommate ask.

“Daehwi, I don’t think he’s up to talk to anyone right now,” Jinyoung replies as Jihoon follows behind him. He’s embarrassed to barge into someone else’s home, but he has nowhere else to go to now.

Jinyoung’s friend, Daehwi, nods and shows Jinyoung inside the house. It’s vintage – the way Jihoon likes it. They have many paintings put up around the house, and they even have a display cupboard for figurines. 

Jinyoung puts a hand on Jihoon’s back, “I’ll show you to your room.”

Daehwi disappears into the kitchen, and he follows Jinyoung upstairs. He is led into a nicely sized room, a bed standing in the middle and a simple cupboard standing at the corner. 

“You can stay here for now,” Jinyoung tells Jihoon. “Don’t worry about anything, okay?”

Jihoon nods, but he doesn’t know what to do when he puts his bags on the floor. He doesn’t want to do anything, really. 

Jinyoung sits next to him on the bed, “Do you… want to talk about it?”

That sets Jihoon’s tears flowing again, and Jinyoung lets Jihoon cry into his shoulder.

“You were right,” Jihoon chokes out, “I should have dumped him that night. I was just hoping… he was still in love with me somehow.”

Jinyoung strokes Jihoon’s back tenderly, “You try too hard to see the good in people.”

Jihoon wants to agree. With Daniel, it’s not hard. Jihoon didn’t have to try to see the good in him. When they were young, Daniel was everything good in the world. 

He was nothing less than perfect, and Jihoon couldn’t see anything bad with him even if he squinted.

“I want him,” Jihoon sobs, his true feelings pouring out unconsciously. “I want him to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay.”

“Everything is going to be okay.”

But it isn’t Daniel saying it, it’s Jinyoung.

Somehow, it works.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“You have flour on your nose,” Daniel chuckles one day. They decided to bake a cake, just for the fun of it. Daniel is a compete mess in the kitchen, but Jihoon thinks baking a cake could somehow help Daniel adapt to the ways of cooking, or baking._

_“Do I?” Jihoon asks, then realises his hands are dirty. “Help me wipe it off.”_

_Daniel leans in closer and lands a peck on Jihoon’s nose, “Just kidding.”_

_Jihoon frowns, but a smile creeps onto his lips right after, “Don’t be stupid. Help me melt the chocolate”_

_Daniel manages to help Jihoon melt the chocolate without burning anything, and smiles proudly at his finished work. (It’s nothing to be proud off, but for Daniel, Jihoon pretends to be impressed)._

_Out of the corner of his eye, Jihoon catches Daniel dipping his finger into chocolate and licking it off. He thinks about telling Daniel off and nagging him about how dirty his finger is._

_“You have chocolate on your lips,” Jihoon sighs._

_“I couldn’t resist it,” Daniel whines. “It looks so good.”_

_“You can’t have it all to yourself, there won’t be any left for me,” Jihoon argues and snatches the bowl away from Daniel and places it on the table behind him._

_Without a second thought, Daniel bends down to connect their lips. Jihoon momentarily forgets that his hands are dirty, and he places his hands on Daniel’s shoulders._

_Daniel is wearing a sheepish grin when he breaks the kiss, and he says, “There, you had some.”_

_“Your lips are sweeter, though,” Jihoon can’t hide his true feelings._

_Daniel’s eyes grow excited, and he lifts Jihoon up in his arms and kisses him again._

_“Oh my god,” Daniel says, walking out of the kitchen, “Forget about the fucking cake. I’m going to kiss you till you get tired of me.”_

_Jihoon doesn’t get tired of him, and the cake never gets baked._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daehwi pokes his head into Jihoon’s room, and Jihoon scrambles out of Jinyoung’s arms. He doesn’t even remember how they got into that position.

“Hey. Jihoon, right?” Daehwi smiles shyly, “I brought you some hot chocolate. Thought you might need some of this.”

Jihoon gratefully accepts the cup of hot chocolate, and feels better instantly.

“Thank you so much, for letting me stay here,” Jihoon says both to Jinyoung and Daehwi.

“Don’t worry about it,” Daehwi replies. “We were looking for a roommate anyway. It gets too boring with just the two of us in this big house.”

Daehwi manages a soft, “goodnight” before closing the door behind him and leaving Jihoon alone with Jinyoung again.

“Should I leave you alone or?” Jinyoung prepares to get up from the bed when Jihoon grabs his arm instinctively.

Jihoon doesn’t know how to break it to Jinyoung. That he’s afraid of sleeping alone. More specifically, he’s afraid of sleeping without Daniel. Jihoon chews on his lower lips nervously.

“Can you… stay?” Jihoon asks. “Until I fall asleep.”

Jinyoung looks confused at Jihoon’s strange request and Jihoon instantly wants to dig a hole for himself and hide inside forever.

“Never mind,” Jihoon says, “That was a stupid thing to say. Sorry.”

“No,” Jinyoung quickly replies. “I’ll stay, don’t worry.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

It feels strange to be in bed with anyone else other than Daniel. Jihoon misses the way Daniel’s arms circle under his waist and the way Daniel likes to bury his face into the crook of Jihoon’s neck.

Daniel snores, and Jihoon has to wake him up when it gets too serious. Daniel grinds his teeth as well. He likes talking in his sleep, and he sometimes kicks Jihoon unconsciously.

“You should sleep,” Jinyoung suggests when he sees Jihoon staring blankly at the ceiling. “You look so tired.”

Jihoon is tired, but he can’t sleep.

“I can’t,” Jihoon sighs. “I’m sorry, this is probably the weirdest thing you had to deal with.”

Jinyoung chuckles, and Jihoon realises he’s never heard Jinyoung laugh before. He has a pretty laugh.

“It’s not far from the truth,” Jinyoung admits.

“I’ll leave as soon as I find another place,” Jihoon assures the other boy.

Jinyoung sighs, “Do you not like me? Why are you so eager to leave?”

“I-it’s not that,” Jihoon stutters, “I like you. You’re really nice. I just don’t want to intrude.”

Jinyoung smiles at Jihoon’s flustered expression, “Good. Then stay here with me and Daehwi. You heard the kid, it’s boring with just the two of us here.”

Jihoon considers this option. It doesn’t seem so bad. Although he hasn’t had a proper conversation with Daehwi yet, just the gesture of bringing him hot chocolate already leaves a good impression on Jihoon.

And Jinyoung. Jinyoung has been nothing but accepting of him.

“Okay,” Jihoon agrees, the bed already feeling more comfortable.

Soon, Jihoon feels his eyes flutter shut. He thinks he feels Jinyoung stroking his hair, but he isn’t sure. For now, he sleeps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Daniel,” Jihoon says in a shaky voice when his boyfriend comes home one night. This is one night Jihoon hopes Daniel won’t come home._

_“What’s wrong?” Daniel notices Jihoon’s worried expression immediately. Jihoon’s top lip trembles and his hands shake in fear._

_“You’re going to hate me,” Jihoon cries out._

_Daniel immediately wraps Jihoon into a tight hug and stokes his back lovingly, “I won’t hate you. Tell me, what happened? Who made you cry?”_

_Jihoon wipes his tears away and points to the shattered paining on the floor. He knew it was a painting that Daniel treasured, because of how much he took care of it. It was a present to him by his parents from long ago, and Jihoon had accidentally shattered it._

_Jihoon braces himself for Daniel’s outburst, but is shocked when Daniel kisses his tears away._

_“You’re crying because of this?” Daniel smiles, and Jihoon doesn’t understand._

_“I… I broke it,” Jihoon chokes out. “I know how much you like it. I’m so sorry, I’ll pay you back.”_

_Daniel continues to wipe Jihoon’s never-ending tears away from his face._

_“Jihoon? Look at me, baby,” Daniel coaxes his sobbing boyfriend. Jihoon looks at Daniel, uncertainty in his eyes._

_“This,” Daniel points to the painting, “Is nothing. Compared to you, it’s nothing. It’s nothing to cry about, did your hands get hurt from trying to pick the glass up?”_

_Jihoon nods, looking at his fingers, now covered with band-aids._

_“You should have been more careful,” Daniel chides. “You can’t get your pretty fingers get hurt like this.”_

_“Daniel, you don’t have to be nice to me,” Jihoon insists._

_“I mean it,” Daniel argues, “This painting is nothing. I love you infinitely times more than a mere painting, understand?”_

_Jihoon nods his head as if Daniel’s words have some kind of magical effect on them. He feels better, and manages a small smile. He doesn’t know why he ever thought to doubt Daniel._

_He gives Daniel a warm hug, to which Daniel responds by kissing his forehead._

_“You’re the most important person in my life,” Daniel assures._

_And Jihoon doesn’t recall another time where he feels more loved than now._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jihoon’s eyes flutter open to find his room being lighted up by the bright sunshine from the outside. Jinyoung isn’t in his bed anymore, but there is a wonderful aroma coming from the kitchen. Jihoon slips off his bed, and opens his door.

He bumps into Jinyoung, who is wearing the black shirt from the day before.

“Hey,” Jinyoung smiles, “Did you sleep well?”

“Not bad,” Jihoon replies. 

“Great. Come down, we’re having pancakes for breakfast,” Jinyoung suggests. 

That was where the wonderful smell was coming from. Jihoon’s stomach rumbles, and he remember how he didn’t eat dinner yesterday.

Daehwi has his back to Jinyoung and Jihoon when they arrive in the kitchen.

“Oh! You’re awake,” Daehwi greets Jihoon when he takes a seat at the table. “Sit tight, I’ll bring you pancakes. You’ll be amazed at how well I make these.”

“Lee Daehwi,” Jinyoung warns, “You’re exaggerating.”

“Hyung!” Daehwi protests, “Don’t influence Jihoon hyung’s impression.”

Jihoon’s ears perk up at the unfamiliar term Daehwi uses to address him. 

“Are you younger than me?” he asks Daehwi.

“I suppose so,” Daehwi replies. “I’m nineteen.”

Jihoon nods, he hasn’t dealt with anyone younger than him in a long time. He smiles fondly at Daehwi, it’s almost like he hasn’t interacted with new people in a while.

“What about you?” Jihoon asks Jinyoung, who is still observing the two quietly.

“I’m a year older than Daehwi,” Jinyoung replies. 

Jihoon’s eyes grow wide. “I’m the oldest here?” 

Jihoon is twenty-one, and although there isn’t that big of an age gap between him and the other two boys, he’s still shocked that he’s the oldest one in this household. Jinyoung looks unamused at the fact.

“You were using informal speech with me the entire day?” Jihoon questions Jinyoung.

Jinyoung only shrugs, “I didn’t know. Plus, I’m just going to call you Jihoon. It feels more comfortable like that.”

Jihoon wants to argue, but he remembers saying something like that to Daniel before. His insides feel strange when he thinks about Daniel again, almost as if last night was just a bad dream. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Why do you never call me hyung? I’m three years older than you are,” Daniel pouts one day when they’re cuddling on the couch._

_“I don’t know,” Jihoon replies, “I never thought of that. Should I start calling you hyung?”_

_Daniel shakes his head, “No, I like it when you call me Daniel.”_

_“Daniel,” Jihoon says it just to prove his point, bringing a cheeky smile to Daniel’s lips._

_“My Jihoon,” Daniel replies, kissing him on his cheeks._

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Earth to Jihoon,” Jinyoung says as he pokes Jihoon’s side. “Do you want maple syrup on your pancakes?”

Jinyoung’s voice hits him like a bolt of lightning in the sky. And suddenly he misses Daniel so, so, much.

“Y-yeah, thanks,” Jihoon manages to reply. Jinyoung nods, and helps him drizzle maple syrup over his pancakes and pushes the pancakes in front of Jihoon. 

Daehwi isn’t lying when he says that his pancakes are amazing. Jihoon instantly feels better when he chews on the soft and fluffy pancakes. It’s been a while since he has eaten something cooked by someone else, and it feels good.

They finish breakfast while getting to know a little bit more about each other.

Daehwi likes cooking, especially baking. And he loves shopping. Daehwi talks a lot, but Jihoon doesn’t mind, it feels nice to have someone filling the silence in the house. Not once does Daehwi ask Jihoon about last night, and he’s grateful.

Jinyoung says he’s not particularly interested in anything, to which Daehwi responds, “That’s Bae Jinyoung for you. He’s so boring.”

Jihoon thinks otherwise.

When Jihoon sits on the swing outside the house, Jinyoung joins him.

“How are you feeling?” Jinyoung asks, then adds, “Honestly.”

Jihoon doesn’t know why, but when he’s with Jinyoung, he feels safe to speak the truth. He smiles bitterly at the other boy, “It hurts so fucking much.”

Because Jihoon doesn’t know how he’s going to live with Daniel.

“I mean…” Jihoon continues, “I just don’t know. Where did we go wrong?”

He and Daniel were the perfect couple. They were the couple of everyone’s dreams. How did they even manage to screw things up this much?

Jinyoung listens to Jihoon rant for a while.

“I want to go back home and tell him to love me again. I want to forgive him because he’s everything to me. Jinyoung, he’s my entire world.”

Jihoon wants to see Daniel again. He wants to run his hair through Daniel’s soft, blonde hair. And he wants to kiss Daniel like his life depended on it again.

“Jihoon, you’re too good for him. He might have been your entire world, but you weren’t his entire world,” Jinyoung explains, and Jihoon knows he’s trying to put it in the nicest way he can.

“But m-maybe… maybe I’m okay with that,” Jihoon sighs.

“No.” Jinyoung’s hand finds Jihoon’s. His hands feel different from Daniel’s. 

Daniel’s hands are large and rough, because he used to dance back in the days. Jinyoung’s hands are softer, but they carry the same amount of warmth.

“I won’t allow you to go back to someone who doesn’t treat you like his entire world,” Jinyoung insists. 

Jihoon picks up the courage to look at Jinyoung.

“I don’t think I can survive without him,” Jihoon admits.

“You can, and you will,” Jinyoung squeezes Jihoon’s hand, just like Daniel used to. 

“I’ll help you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

At first, it isn’t easy. Jihoon feels like his entire life has no meaning now without Daniel. He’s constantly hoping that Daniel will knock on Jinyoung’s door and say he’s here to take Jihoon back with him.

But Daniel never comes. 

Daniel never knocks on Jinyoung’s door.

He doesn’t even call or text Jihoon, not even once. 

Jihoon is a mess, and he’s breaking down every other day. Jinyoung and Daehwi always help him up, Daehwi covers him in blankets and Jinyoung stays with Jihoon until he falls asleep.

And when Jihoon wakes up in the middle of the night, crying either from a nightmare or just the sheer thought of missing Daniel, Jinyoung is always the first one to arrive at his door. 

It does get better, little by little. Life gets easier to live as the days pass.

The nightmares stop coming, and Jihoon stops himself from crying over Daniel.

It’s not a lie to say Jihoon never thinks about Daniel again. Once in a while, his face pops into Jihoon’s mind again and it makes him want to walk back home and dive into Daniel’s arms.

Jinyoung is always there to talk him out of it, and for that, Jihoon is eternally grateful.

Jihoon still doesn’t know where they went wrong. He still wants to fix it, but knows there’s nothing left of their relationship for him to fix. The only thing he can do is slowly build another world of his – this time, without Kang Daniel in it.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for reading <3
> 
> hope it was as much a journey for u as it was for me to write it!
> 
> i appreciate every kudos, bookmark and comments you guys leave me so feel free to leave lots of those~
> 
> love xoxo bapaldeul


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